Nobody Move Author:Patricia Reilly Panara If brevity is the soul of wit, "Nobody Move!" is its beer gut. Former Buffalonian Patricia Reilly Panara has been deployed to Florida, where she slaloms through a playful potpourri of topics. Her lip service knows no latitude as she stubbornly applies powerful sunscreens in Buffalo, and keeps her ice scraper handy in Florida. This book takes no ... more »prisoners as it pepper sprays targets such as soccer moms, insurgent toys, lying weather forecasters, and cows who don?t know when to "get a room." Here she gives a flea bath to some of her pet subjects: * Why the Food Pyramid should be a Trapezoid
* How to deal with naked neighbors without contacting the local sex crimes unit.
* Panhandler etiquette: When not to resort to jujitsu.
* A-List Celebrities: Could God qualify?
* My Big, Fat, Inability to Sew.
* Heart Failure is for Sissies.
* Soccer Mom of the Living Dead.
* Cool Things You Can Do With Vodka.
* We are NOT Getting RFID Tags for your Underwear.
* Deck Party of the Apocalypse.
* Empty Bus Cited for Bad Driving.
* Number 32, Where Are You? A poetic look back at the OJ Simpson trial.
* Official Florida Hurricane Scorecard (along with extensive play by play description the author?s roof deciding whether or not to blow off, and a critique of local and national weathercaster performances.) The author also visits her advice columnist persona, "Dear Discotrish," which is what today?s current advice columnists might sound like if they had a pinch of common sense among them. Special Articles for Buffalonians and Western New Yorkers: Buffalo is Not Round, "Snow Days," 101 Reasons Why We LOVE Western New York, Wide Right? Wide Wrong!, There?s No Place Better Than Buffalo, Whimsical Guide to Buffalo?s Neighborhoods, Salute to Buffalo?s Broadcasters and Arbitrary Important Moments in Buffalo?s History. Featuring the story "Sleeping Out," a Cheektowaga Adventure, by guest essayist and playwright Michael Rajczak. This breezy read is written in topical, easily-digestible chunks and makes for a terrific companion on that long journey or short trip to the bathroom. Everything?s fair game as Ms. Panara goes pestilence-hunting with a broom and a shoe.« less